you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
