I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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