She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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