I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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