I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
did i just pee glitter
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