so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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