sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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