I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
