I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
