why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
