I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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