u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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