You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
