Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
