went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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