I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize