I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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