i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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