Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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