tell your sister to shave her snatch
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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