Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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