The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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