Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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