So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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