The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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