I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
