Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
