Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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