I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry about my life...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
