Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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