So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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