The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
