i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
