This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
