So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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