I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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