this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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