Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
