Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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