all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
