She's JV to your varsity
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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