I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
