who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
