but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
