you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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