The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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