sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
