This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
