I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize