break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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