I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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