only if we run a train.
done.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
