You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
