I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
