There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
