I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
