How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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