So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
