Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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