I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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