Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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