Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
