He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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