I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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