I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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