if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
