like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
