my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You smell like stripper and shame
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
