Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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