so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
