Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
