Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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