he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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