Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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